Newly seperated and terrified

My husband of 20 years said he didn't love me anymore and left today. I had no idea he felt like that and I'm devastated. We have a 13 year old son and he doesn't know yet. I'm so worried about telling him he will be heart broken. I don't know how to deal with this its so overwhelming and frightening. The pain is unbearable.....does it truly end. Please help!!!

Hi,

I couldn't cope at all myself at first, i had to take my children and leaving them with my own parents for the first few days...... is there someone you can lean on to help you right now?, I was fortunate and phoned Relate and spoke to one of their councilors who quickly helped refocus me back onto my children and their needs as well as my own. Seeking help with a professional counselor is a must, it really does helps in so many ways I can't begin to explain, I paid initial but also went to GPs to get a referral as i couldn't keep up with costs of private. I can't state how important it is to look after your mental health right NOW and for the foreseeable future.

I also found it very helpful talking on forums like this, and then slowly at work as well as people have found out. try to reach out and get as much support as possible where ever you can..... it all helps a lot in the longer run.

It is also worth having a word with yours sons headteacher and letting them know about the family breakup so that the school can help him, ask what support they can put in place for him.

It is a massive shock at first but you will survive.... seek support and help where ever you can for both yourself and your son.

Thank you sooooo much for replying. This is so painful it feels impossible to get through. I have spoken to samaritans. I'm currently awake in the middle of the night having woke up in a panic.

I will speak to my son's school after I speak to him at the weekend.

How long did it take you to feel a little better
I know everyone is different I just need some hope.

I feel for you. You always have to trust that no matter how bad you feel today ...you won't stay feeling like that forever. Your husband has probably agonised over this decision and will also be feeling awful. The main advice I can give is to make sure your child is number 1 in list of priorities to minimise impact.
I made decision to leave my husband 18 months ago and am still chewed up with guilt but also know that you have one life and need to feel like you're living it. Unfortunately, I didn't feel loved or cherished by him. I needed him to show me he cared but he hasn't. He just allowed me to walk away without a fight. He is in my marital home with my children aged 18 and 15. I am in a little flat and trying to support them still financially and visit them daily. Not to be with my children is massively difficult for me.
I watched my parents split up in the worst divorce of all time. My parents told me too much. It was awful to watch. So I've tried to be really really strong for my children. I have tried really hard not to let them see me at my worst on nights when I cannot stop crying. And let them all stay in the home until my youngest has completed education in 3 years time.
It is such a difficult time, as everybody deserves to be happy and if deep down you're feeling something is wrong you have to listen to your instinct. I'm sure very few people set out to hurt each other deliberately.
Here I am lying awake in middle of night. He could have won me back if we worked together and went to Relate together but he didn't want to know. I paid for private counselling for 6 months approx and Relate for approx 8 sessions on my own. They just ask you what you can afford to give as a voluntary contribution. I have also had help arranged through GP too.
You will be up and down for a while. So work on minimising impact on child. Do not argue in front of them and try not to knock each other too much. For this reason me and my husband are totally amicable and still manage to do things with our daughter together such as visiting college for open day or buying her birthday presents and clothes so she still gets to experience a semblance of normality with mum and dad doing things together for her. That's what I've tried to push for.
Hope this helps,
Take care of yourself xx

Thank you for you're reply. I have good friends but feel so alone. My husband said he felt unloved too. We have had an awful year and I did neglect him a bit I know that. But I am willing to go counselling and do whatever it takes. I have apologised to him for making him feel like that but he says it's too late. Should I keep trying.....(he has now said he'll consider counselling!)
The nights are awful....
I hope you are OK.
Xx

I feel so bad.....I need help!

What you are feeling is normal under the circumstances..you have had a massive shock...we have all suffered the sleepless nights, panic attacks etc but it does get better. It has been likened to being on a rollercoaster...read some back posts on here and you will discover that many people had similar feelings at the beginning but they have come through it. it is important that you look after yourself. Seek counselling on your own..go and talk to your doctor..it does not matter if you breakdown and cry in front of your doctor..they understand the turmoil.