Newly seperated and terrified

It's never ending.....day to day life is so difficult!!!!!

When you’re feeling as overwhelmed as you are right now, allowing your moods to just rise and fall is the best way of dealing with what’s happened. Panic attacks are horrible, but if you can learn to control your breathing until the feeling passes you will realise that they don’t actually harm you. The sense of loss and emptiness often cannot be put into words and only those who have experienced it know what you’re going through. That’s where wikis will be able to help.

You may feel like there is just too much you need to do to get things back under control, but your best bet is to hold off on making any long-term decisions until things settle down.

The best place to start is to take a deep breath and make a list of all the things that you have no control over. Then, make a list of things you need to do. Note what needs to be done first, and mark the things others may be able to do for you or with you. This is one of those times when you have to lean on others at home and on here, freeing you from the frenzied thoughts going round in your head.

When you’re at your lowest, remind yourself that this intense pain is not permanent. It will pass. You need to take care of yourself and the healing will come in time.

Unfortunately, there is no fast track through this, but you’ll find wiki friends can help you deal with the fears and self-doubt. Remember you are no longer truly alone facing this and we do understand how it feels.

I am trying to 'keep calm and carry on' . I need to think about Xmas for my children/ grandchild. It's taking every effort to even go out ( I'm off of work at the mo).
I'm having okish times and terrible times! It's been a month now!!!

I agree with Mitchum, wise words and all very true. Your in a malestrum at the moment, making a list of all the things you need to do is very useful as its helps to both focus and keep control of the little things, keeps you taking those steps forward when the emotions are all consuming.
Always keep the list, add new things as they come up, put a line through those that have been completed, as the list grows and you cross more and more off, it will show the positive steps that you are taking. My list started with 1) get out of bed by 8, 2) get ready for work, 3) go to work, 4) make tea and eat it 5) practice mindfulness/relaxation 6) go to bed before 10.
at first it worked well, then i failed and let things slip, then picked it up again, the little things on a day to day basis really do count, i'm now up to point 236, most crossed off, some i'm really proud of completing particularly where it concerns my kids and i know the extra effort i put in at those times.

As hard as it is your doing great.

Please try not to worry too much. I remember very well the panic, the heartbreak, the obsessive mulling over, the fear of the future and all that. It may last a long time - it did for me, though I know some got over it faster.

But my point is that even if it does take years, you can and will get through it. You may be asking (as I did) 'BUT HOW?' and I don't know, but just by surviving from one minute, hour or day to the next, you do manage it.

It's 4 years since my bombshell and I am yet to sleep through the night. However, I can honestly say with hand on heart that I am glad that I am no longer married, that I am a better person for it, and that although I still sometimes cry, I think I have laughed more since the split than I did in my whole married life to the man I thought was everything to me.

And I am not alone. You will get there, too.

No contact is a good rule, but I notice that you also mention the possibility of counselling. I think that would be worth pursuing. My ex agreed to come to some after he bolted. On the one hand it may have prolonged the agony, but on the other it was very useful to have a place to meet and to talk with a referee there. In the years since, some of what she said has turned out to be truer than I recognised at the time. Bear in mind their remit is not necessarily to get you back together, but to help you to separate if that is what is going to happen. And it only takes one of you to want a separation for it to be inevitable, in which case sooner is better than later. A counsellor will help you to break it to children etc as well.

After my couples counselling was over I also had psychotherapy alone on the NHS and it was invaluable.

Keep posting on here, ask questions on the forum, blog too if you find it helpful as many of us do.

And it does get better, all in good time.

Hi. You poor thing. I had same thing, and I'm seven months down the line. It's so hard, but it does get better. That sick feeling and the panic will go, and you will realise you can do this. Try to take each day at a time, don't think about the future as it's too overwhelming.

I got ten sleeping tablets from my doctor for those nights when my mind was racing. I took one a night for four nights then saved the rest for tough nights, I still have a couple left. I'd recommend it if sleep is a problem.

It's going to be ok. It's still hard, but I know I deserve better, and you do too. Xx

I'm so fed up with constant pain....being tired....head all over the place...no consentration...pretending to be OK. ...the anxiety!!!
I believe he is stressed/depressed. He has been to the doctors. He is still saying that he'll go counselling to see how HE feels about going back but has said right now we are separated.i think I no longer trust what he says as he changes all the time and I think he says things just to shut me up!! He wants me to be OK about it...not ask questions or be upset because he says I'm manipulating him if he sees that. I've told him no one in their right mind could be OK about this!!!
He says he has to put himself first ( yes and before our son whose is 13). He asked to spend Christmas with us and at first I said no....I then thought about our son and said yes...he then said no thanks I wouldn't feel comfortable!!!! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!
I've had better days here and there when I think I can do this and then he shows his indifference and the anxiety returns.
I guess there's a part of me that's in denial and hopes/believes that he won't do this to me....he'll see the light and come back!