False allegation of domestic violence & drinking

Hi all,

Please can you help,

I am very distessed that my wife has chosen to use false allegations of domestic violence and excessive drinking in her divorce petition against me.

that my wife expects me to pay the their costs should I chose to defend.

I consent to the divorce but what can I do to get the false allegations deleted at this point without the costs spiralling.

My solicitor tells me not to defend and that if I do my wife can simply have gone to the doctor after our break up and say she is stressed due to domestic abuse and if the doctor even writes this on her medical record without any physical evidence this would serve as proof enough of domestic abuse.

I dont want false allegations of this magnitude on my name and I like to think the truth will prevail. What can I do to get rid of these allegations at this stage.

Regards

Rayborn11

Hi Rayborn

Having just read both of your posts I totally agree with your comments on divorce law! It Stinks BIG TIME! Considering there are now 2663 people registered on this site, I think most will agree. The biggest thing that needs shaking up is Solicitor fees but hey thats another post!
Getting back to you and your problem though, I dont think your solicitor has explained things clearly to you. In my book if you defend and win, why would you pay her costs? She has to have evidence of all her allegations! The trouble with defending is it will cost you thousands, it can drag on and on, through many months, even years and can destroy your self confidence and any feelings of worth you had at the beginning. I totally understand how distressed you are feeling at her allegations, some fellas on here have been accused of rape and worse.
The thing that would probably be best in your case is accept the petition but not accept the reasons for the petition, you can state somewhere on the petion when its served on you that you do not agree to her reasons and you totally deny them. That way you can get your divorce and move on with your life quicker than you would if you try and defend it.
As for costs, you will always be threatened with costs from other side...if you dont do this that we say" then we will be seeking costs against you" nah nah ne nah na! Well so what! They have to prove to a Judge that you have been unreasonable, it does not mean they will get it! Since June 06 you both pay your own costs anyway. Unless one can prove the other has delayed things on purpose, has'nt turned up for a hearing ect ect.
Try not to worry too much, but be aware that solicitors dont always give the best advice and keep an eye on your costs, ask for an update every week on costs, they can end up spiralling out of control.
I wish you well and dont hesitate to ask any questions.
Kind ones
Louise:)
And P.S.. What Doctor would write on medical notes Domestic abuse when he/she has seen no sign of it in any previous meetings with their patient! When people i know have been suffering DV they have records at hospital or doctors of bruising, periods of depression, broken bones ect ect. Suddenly after shes filed for divorce, a doctor says shes suffering from domestic abuse? How thick does your solicitor think a Judge is? They have seen it all before. After all they were solicitors once too!
And P.P.S....Can I ask you why you didnt file for divorce for unreasonable behaviour first? (just curious)

Louise,

Thank you for your very informative email.

I now think my solicitor is not giving complete and experience driven advice maybe in order to generate more income so I'm changing them.

I'm somewhat confused you mentioned that:

The thing that would probably be best in your case is accept the petition but not accept the reasons for the petition, you can state somewhere on the petion when its served on you that you do not agree to her reasons and you totally deny them.

My solicitor advised that if I write 'NO' where the Acknowledgement of Service asks -

"Do you agree with the statement of the petitioner as to the grounds of jurisdiction set out in the petition? If not please state the grounds on which you disagree with the statement of the petitioner".


I will be as good as saying I am defending the allegations and my costs will spiral.

The reason I didnt file for divorce for unreasonable behaviour is that initially I was hoping we might be able to resolve things...you know Relate counciling or profesional help. Prehaps I have to much compassion and faith but thinking with my head rather than my heart I realise I should have filed. I was also hoping that since it was coming up to 2 years being separated that we would simply consent to divorce without reason. I guess I have learnt strong life lessons in this part of my life.

Regards

Rayborn11

Hi Rayborn,

Right form D10 you are refering too....Do you agree with the statement of the petitioner as to the grounds of jurisdiction set out in the petition? If not please state the grounds on which you disagree with the statement of the petitioner".

I would personally put NO and give reasons as its untrue I do not and have never drank excessively and never physically or mentally harmed my wife! Or words to that effect.

Question 4 says....... Do you intend to defend the case?

You say No

Question 5 syas..........Do you consent to a decree?

You say Yes

Why would the above cause your costs to spiral?

Its no good me giving you advice about solicitors because my thoughts on them are well "best shouldnt say on here really what I actually think of solicitors! There are a "couple" maybe in the uk that have morals and genuinely want to help people, but most just want your money and they dont care if they end up with all the assets of a marriage!
We had one for 2 weeks cost us £2700, so we decided to act for ourselves, not cost us a penny since and its been going on in our case for 3 years! My partners ex wife just had her bill 30K, 4k to legal aid, 7k she already paid on account left a 19k bill, shes just sold her house and all the equity has now gone in her solicitors account! Nice hey? Shes now left without a penny! And still its not over! Our FH is in October!
My advice to anyone is go to a few solicitors for the "free half hour" ask different questions of them all, then come on here, ask all the questions you need to, get answers from people who have gone down that path! Read everything you can and hey presto REPRESENT YOURSELVES! Its not difficult, just mind numbing, but at least you will know everything you need to know about your case better than any solicitor who cant keep tabs on all the cases they have. They look at yours one day then forget it for 2/3/4 weeks, until something crops up. They cant possibly give your case 100%, maybe they do on the day of court but then you have to go over everything with them again outside court in ten minutes. Its not their fault, its just that to us its the most important thing in our lives, its depressing, it leaves us all in a state some days, its just a job to them! (oops sorry i have gone on, dont get me on the subject of solicitors!! sorry lol)

If you go to the divorce guide on here on main page, click on divorce petition, click on "respondant has replied to my petition" and have a good read of that it will show you both sides in both cases, it makes interesting reading.

Kind ones
Louise

Hi,

I'm a bit further on in the process than yourself but I have had to address the same issues.
My wife choose to make malicious allegations about domestic violence to try and get a divorce which she had no other grounds for. It later transpired that she had received her free 30mins with her solicitor and made the allegations on her mobile within 5 mins of leaving the office.
As in your case, these allegations were documented on the divorce petition as well as been investigated by the boys in blue.
Although no further action was taken I was still left in the same position whereby I didn't want to contest the divorce but I also didnt want to admit the allegations. In the end it was remedied by the wording of the response to the petition. It basically stated that I categorically deny all the allegations however I accept the petition. I was concerned that accepting the petition would be an admission of guilt, especially as I had made a statement under oath denying them but I was assured that the response ensured they could not be used against me as an admission of guilt.
I'm still bitter about the whole thing, and no doubt my wife will use it as a flag to wave infront of the kids but unfortunately it's just another bullet I'm having to bite.
The only thing keeping me going is the hope that once this is all over with I'll be able to get on with my life.
Here's hoping yours works out right for you.
L

Thank you everyone for your support...feels like swimming with sharks when speaking to solicitors.

I think I may have confused my self where the acknowledgement of service quote was concerned initially I meant point 4. Do you intend to defend he case? for which the guidance above is great.

Does anyone have any idea what point 1C means in laymens terms:

"Do you agree with the statement of the petitioner as to the grounds of jurisdiction set out in the petition? If not please state the grounds on which you disagree with the statement of the petitioner".

Thanks again.

Rayborn11