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Mediation: Can I force it!?

  • Sera
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02 Aug 07 #1720 by Sera
Topic started by Sera
My husband cannot legally apply for divorce until Jan.

Yet, he has been advised by his soicitor that he can resolve the Financial settlement through mediation, prior to Jan 08.

Since we have an offer on the house, and intend to sell, I would like all talks to be finalised by completion.

My fear is that he would abscond with all the money, and I have downloaded the forms (here) for alerting solicitors that this house is under marital dispute.

Now he is stalling, and refuses to Mediate.

Can I force him to mediate? (It was his original idea).

  • mike62
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02 Aug 07 #1721 by mike62
Reply from mike62

I recently started mediation and I believe that it is an entirely voluntary process. However, the resultant agreement that is reached can be submitted to court as the basis of the legally binding settlement.

We went through the voluntary route - I'm not aware if there is a compulsory route.

It is proving useful, as the mediator is taking the heat out of discussions and agreement is much easier to reach without the emotions kicking in :evil:- Hope he sees sense and gets his finger out.


  • Dockley
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02 Aug 07 #1724 by Dockley
Reply from Dockley
Hi Sera

I tried to get my ex to go to mediation for the entire year of 2006. She always refused through her solicitor, to any form of mediation. I wanted it for the finances and also to iron out any problems with the kids. I requsted separate meetings etc as there was hostility between us (still is).

She refused every suggestion and her solicitor even said it would not be an option either.

I could do nothing to "force" her to attend, so unfortunately as we are so far apart with our views on the finances and need the help of a third party, it has had to be through the courts and by way of a judge, at great expense to both of us, me greater.

Good Luck

  • Shelia
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02 Aug 07 #1729 by Shelia
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I would have like to have gone to mediation but my husband would not go. I've no idea why, seemed like a reasonable and fair way forward to me. It has to be voluntary otherwise it would not work. You have both got to want it.

I have now had to issue ancilliary relief proceedings which is a shame, but necessary.

As I understand it mediation is only for coming to an agreement, you would still need a solicitor for the legal side of things. Maybe his solictor means you can start negotiating now so come January you have already have an agreement in place that can then be implemented.

  • mumof2
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04 Aug 07 #1743 by mumof2
Reply from mumof2
Hi there.
Mediation has to be agreed by both parties and can not be forced on an unwilling partner.
Although it does look better in court if you try this route first (it is a lot cheaper also).
The documents on the discissions reached are not legally binding(Been there and done that)but it does show the judge that you have come to some agreement that can be worked on.You can at anytimme return to mediation if both parties are willing.
It is really worth ago in most cases.

  • divwiki
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05 Aug 07 #1752 by divwiki
Reply from divwiki
I agree with everyone else that mediation is a voluntary and mutual process.
However, I noticed that you said he originally wanted it so if you can discover why he has changed his mind - in other words, what emotions have led him to rationalise that he doesn't want YOU to have mediation, it might then form the basis for some way forward.
Clearly this is difficult if you are only talking through solicitors, but they may have some influence if they are also keen on mediation.
Hope it works out for you;)

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