Not sure what to do.....

Hi divwiki,

thanks for your reply, maybe he is alittle depressed, god knows i have been for several years due to the state of our marriage. I suppose he has to deal with it the best way he can and i have bit my tongue a good few times (although maybe not enough) over the past few months to try to keep things calm.

Unfortunately he has to drive us to the airport as there is no other way. We are flying home to all my family and there is no-one else to do it. Can't manage a train with 3 kids and luggage and just leaving my home for the last time. Can't afford a taxi as its 2+ hrs away. lol
he seems to want to do it and is going that way anyway to get back to his mums where he is staying.

He is not the kind of man to do anything stupid like that so i am really not worried about how he will cope. But i will keep an eye on him next weekend before we go to be sure.

Take care
Liza

Thanks for taking the time to reply mike, your so knowledgable (spelling!)!!!

Your advice is great and i really appreciate it.

We do both want to sell. he wants the deposit for a home for himself and i need the security. i have chosen to leave the home which he hasn't really been living in for 3 months now except on weekends to see the kids. i knew i could have stayed in this house but my life wouldn't have changed much from how it is now and i can't go on like this. moving back to where i grew up gives me support from all my family, the chance to get a job and have help from my mum with the kids, to just get a life and feel like i am living again. if i stayed here i wouldn't be able to afford childcare while i worked, my husband said he couldn't contribute to the mortgage and afford to pay CM and get his own place so i took the decision and am really glad i did.it will be hard at first but i think in the long run the best thing i could do for all of us.

My husband has been divorced twice before and never got anything, there was never any property involved and only 1 child in first marriage but he only ever came away with the car and his clothes, maybe he wants to make sure he gets his share this time! Maybe he has seen a sol but why would he not tell me?

I know that where i'm going they would push for 70/30 but i don't think he would be happy with that, have to wait and see. I have had a free 30mins with a sol. she suggested that i ask for all the equity in the house in exchange for me not touching his pension, i said he would never ever accept that, basically he wants a hefty sum to put a large deposit down on somewhere new. He also only started paying into this pension 12-18 months ago but is paying a good whack in every month to catch up so he gets a really good pension when he is 65. he starts saying things like what if i die or i can't afford to continue paying into this pension? he never actually said it but is meaning that i would have won, getting all that money and he would have nothing! I did say would it matter if you were actually dead as what difference would it make to him then! I find this way of thinking strange to say the least, none of us know what is around the corner! I really should know that after getting run over last year!

i could never afford a house of my own even with a substantial sum as would have to earn 25K+ to afford a mortgage. i just want to be free from worry for some years to come if i top up my monthly income and deposit some cash in accounts for the kids when they are grown up.

Sorry mike, i seem to have gone off on a tangent, rambling like an idiot. Your advice is so sensible and constructive and i'm just talking a load of twaddle! And now i have realised i have forgotten to book the estate agent valuation! I'm just far too busy to remember everything, movers on Wed, carpet fitters Thurs and Fri, flight sun and trying to find new home for pet rabbit! There i go again!

Thanks for your input, i had better finish here. speak soon
Liza