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All my fault

  • Gabby
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13 Aug 07 #1962 by Gabby
Topic started by Gabby
I am an alcoholic who has finally driven her husband to deep unhappiness. I am waiting to go into residential detox, but he doesn't believe I will stay on the wagon. I am seeing a counsellor about my drinking and have reduced to 2litres of wine a day (24 units) from 3litres of wine a day (36) units, I am finding it hard to reduce further at the moment because of the uncertainty of our life. Our finances are bad because I lost a decent job due to my depression and the stress I was feeling at attempting to quit drinking. I lasted three months. I am now a cleaner earning minimum wage and am going to college for a degree. I spoke to him on the phone earlier and he said that his offer would be 50-50 split of the profit from the house, and any thing from the house as long as it wasn't a present from his mum and dad or gran. He also agreed to look after our cats. He is worried about where I would go and how I will cope and said we will always be friends. He said he couldn't remember how we used to be like together and has said in the past that he doesn't like to be alone with me anymore.(mainly cos I've had a few)
Both of my sisters have told me to get advice, as has my counsellor. I feel so much to blame even tho my counsellor told me it takes 2 to tango, one of my sisters said the same thing. My answer was, I can't tell my left from right and my hub has no sense of rythym. Guess that says it all really.
It sounds like I need Mariage Guidance, but I honestly feel as tho we can't repair the damage my drinking has done.

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13 Aug 07 #1968 by divwiki
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Well done on recognising your addiction and starting on the road to recovery. Cleaner is an honourable, honest profession - wish I could afford one right now!Good luck with your degree, an education can never be taken from you.
It sounds as if you're happy with his offer of 50:50, but others have raised doubts, why not try a free solicitor session to kind of find a balance amongst all these opinions.

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13 Aug 07 #1974 by Shelia
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You are making great strides in putting your life back together and have crawled out of a deep black hole to be in the position you are today. You are working and studying for a degree. I know this is hard enough without relationship problems and being an alcoholic. You are brave and determined, you ought to be proud of yourself and what you have achieved.

I am sure whatever happens with you marriage the best is yet to come for you. Have faith in you inner strength which it is obvious you have by the bucketful.

Shelia

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13 Aug 07 #1975 by Sals45
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hi, I am so sorry for you.

I am not any good at marriage guidance have my own problems to sort out, alcohol abuse is closer to home,I have to be blunt..unless your husband is an alcoholic he could not possibly understand what you are going through and he should not be supporting your habit for your own sake, he has made this decision and I do not blame him, yes he probably does love you so very much but until you can love yourself you cannot give it back unconditionally. I thank God that your husband is not an alcoholic.

I am just starting out on a seperation, I can always dream that my hubby will come back..he may do..your husband may do when he sees you fit and is the woman he fell in love with, but you really need to get rid of the alcohol and I know it is not going to happen overnight, you have to do it for yourself, get all the help you need, and yes it does take two to tango but he is taking himself out of the equation, it's only you lifting the bottle now.

Give yourself a break, you had a reason to go for the drink, get that help and overcome it, you are a good hard working woman who has hit rock bottom...some times this is all you need...give your husband proof, don't ask him to simply trust you anymore.

My Mum has been an alcoholic for 26 years..shes 70 now..has no quality of life and the only way she sees her future is by saving for her funeral...

i hope you can get the strength together to fight this for your own sake and for the hope that you can then move onto sorting your marriage.

Use detox and all the systems in place to help you. get all the advice that is there and use it, there is nothing wrong in saying you need help...you are here today admitting something that not many people can admit to.

You have taken that first step.

My love and hopes to you Gabby XX

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13 Aug 07 #1976 by Gabby
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Thank you so much for your kind support. It means a lot to me.

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14 Aug 07 #1977 by Sals45
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Come back soon Gabby, let us know how things are going.

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