Adulterous divorce

Hi,

I don't know where to post this and I'm sure that a lot of posters on here will condemn me. My partner left his wife a week ago to be with me and we are now looking to rent a place.

His soon to be ex is being particularly petty and vindictive, she has changed the locks of the house and potentially destroyed valuables which part of the assets of the marriage. She has now come up with claims that he is a compulsive gambler and that I am not fit to be around their 2 children so will now deny any access.

He is happy to pay off the mortgage with their savings and they will continue to live there. He will organise a trust fund for the children so they will have residual income and school fees. In short, he will be generous with the settlement as long as she will sit down and listen.

A few questions,
1) He is worried that I will be named on the divorce petition, is this possible?
2) Was she allowed to change the locks and if not, what can he do now to address it? He still has all his valuables in the house.

Thanks for reading this.

Madmixtress,

Well yes you are in danger of coming under fire from wives who have been left by their husbands for new girl friends.

A couple of thoughts....

I really do not feel that you can label his wife petty or vindictive. She has just been betrayed by her husband. The shock of losing your husband can be very severe and a week is not long enough to get over it or to start acting rationally.

The child contact issue you raise... 1 week is way way too early to begin instigating contact between you and her kids. You just took her husband - of course she wont let you near the kids. What if you and he split up in 1 month and he goes back to his wife. It wouldnt be the first time.
You cannot expect to move from the old status quo to a new settled situation in a week - it will take months/years.

A couple of things you mention give the impression that you partner is reasonably well off. This means there could be a lot at stake in settling the financial aspect of the divorce and it could easily take a year or more to be settled.

You say he is prepared to be generous - the law entitles the wife with 2 kids of a high earning husband in a reasonable length marriage to a very good settlement (lions share of assets and high maintenance) - what he now thinks of as generous may actually turn out to be a lot less than she actually gets awarded.

Yes you can be named on the divorce petition though it is more normal these days to mention adultery with an unnamed third party. If you are named you may find that just delaying returning the petition stalls things and she will get fed up and take your name off.

The issue of access to the house is a common one and a messy one. The legal position is that yes he is entitle to access the house until she puts in place some kind of injunction to stop him.

In practice if he goes round and tries to get in causing a disturbance then she will likely call the police and they will turn up and strongly encourage him to leave.

Really the home access comes down to letting things cool down to a state where she is less in a state of shock and a sensible practical arrangement can be made for perhaps a mutual friend to go round to pick some stuff up for him.

Thank you for your kind and considered response.

I was a bit upset when I posted. Her behaviour so far has not been outrageous and she is just reacting as most people would after a breakup.

He has now regained access to the house, of sorts. She will get him things when he is asking for them and they are going to sit down to talk through some of the finances over the next few weeks. I don't mind how long it takes.

It's hard for him to think when he is being shouted down constantly so the fact that she has calmed down slightly makes it a bit easier.

Is there any way of finding out how much her entitlement will be? I won't begrudge her anything, I just want to make sure that what he thinks is generous is actually quite good instead of the norm. Hopefully she will agree sooner if that is the case.

Also, this is probably quite a minefield but what about the children? He wasn't allowed to see them yesterday when he went but he just wants to see them (even if only for half an hour) just to reassure them that he is still around. He does love them to pieces, it breaks my heart when he tells me how much he misses them.

I think if he's actually got a pair of balls, he should just sign over everything to his wife & kids because he's got you now & you'll love him even if he's got nothing won't you?

Hi Madmix. What I cant understand is why you are so involved with this? Its his marriage and his divorce.

You seem to be very involved. Can they not just get on with it?

I am suprised that she has not been over to see you. In her eyes you are the cuase of her downfall. That may not be true but people are not very nice about it when you destroy the world that they occupied so I am not surpised she is a little upset. In fact I think she is being very nice.

My ex is going to get a very big surprise when this is all over. His ex will catch up with her and I would not like to be in her shoes at all. People can get very nasty over things like this. Its the animal in us. Chris.

jay160602 wrote:

I think if he's actually got a pair of balls, he should just sign over everything to his wife & kids because he's got you now & you'll love him even if he's got nothing won't you?

Most of the things will be signed off to them. The house and the children's fees will go to a trust fund for them.

And of course I'll love him whether or not he has any money but he's used to a different lifestyle to mine and he needs to be able to come down to reality with a rather big bump!

And in reply to ChrisM-
She hasn't been to see me face-to-face as he hasn't left just for me, he was already unhappy and I'm trying to be supportive. I am not planning on arranging anything or being manipulative. I am trying to understand her position, I know she is very hurt.

This probably isn't the right place as I know lots of people have been hurt like this, I'm really sorry. Think maybe I'll stop posting here now.

Hi Madmix
I think it would be a shame that you would feel unable to post here because of the response you have had. I hope you feel that you will continue to ask for advice.

I hope your partner can manage to get through this especially with regards keeping a good relationship with his kids.