You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Unfortunately the system these days is biased in favour of divorcing rather than preserving marriages. But if she will agree to speak to anyone at all, to find out what she is unhappy about, what if anything can be done about it etc then I would suggest finding a counsellor who comes well recommended (speak to any solicitor who is a Resolution member) and try to explore the issues with her.
Let her have her say because whatever it is, she needs to feel "heard" with all these issues. Her expectations of life are obviously different from yours and those of the children.
I can tell you now, defended divorces are rarer than hen's teeth because of the cost and the lack of prospects of success. Sit down with her, tell her how much it matters to you to keep her in your life, and how far you are prepared to go to keep *her* as your lover/companion into your old age. She may not realise how strongly you feel about her still. Start thinking of ways to show her. Good luck!
I think you should suggest couple counselling to your wife and ask her if she would agree to going with you,you can suggest as a couple at first but then explain that if she feels its beneficial to go it alone for a few sessions then let her, at least she will be speaking to someone impartial and she will be able to get all of her emotions and feelings out. I'm wondering if she has indicated why she wants out and if this came out of the blue? Either way you need to get her to talk to someone so that she realises how final divorce is. I know its hard and you want to cling on for dear life to all you hold dear but try to allow her a little space and time to get her head around whats happening to her,there may be an underlying factor as to why she has reached this difficult timein all your lives.Good luck and ring Relate as well as other avenues, the waiting list may be short in your area and you may be able to get seen quickly.good luck,take care,Sherri.
Thanks for your replies... I managed to get her to come with me to a counciller, we have had 2 joint sessions each and they have suggested she goes alone for a few.
I am pretty disgusted at what I mostly read nowadays that women are kinda given options of they don't need men etc, yes they don't and men don't need women but why split up a family to have independance?
I guess even if she actually does work out what she wants good or bad, it can only lead to either us making it or breaking up.
I guess I just want her to be clear in her mind 100% as once we have gone this terrible route of life, I really couldn't take her back should she make a mistake.