Mesher order vs selling FMH

I know no one can tell me exactly what to do but I am in such a state I would really appreciate any advice. We have the FDR next Wednesday and I have no idea which direction to go in.

Brief summary : married 19 years, 2 kids, 17 and 15.
3 bed FMH, value £475,000, mortgage £35k, equity £440k
Him 54, already receiving police pension of £30k pa. Total CEB of pension £750,000.
£140k in savings.
Given up a £40k part time job 8 months ago to go self employed and predicts he will earn £5k per year (!!!)
Living with OW (earns £80k pa) now in rented flat. She sold the flat they were living in 6 months ago, I presume to weaken any of my arguments about accommodation.
Me 46, full time job £23k pa, which is pretty much the maximum I will ever earn, no pension, no savings.

Basically my solicitor is pushing me to ask for a mesher order on the house. But I don't really want that, because in 3 years time, when hopefully my youngest also goes off to university, I won't be able to buy another 3 bed anywhere near here with 60/40 equity split, and the kids are still going to need a home for university holidays etc. Would have loved to be able to provide a home as long as they needed one but doubt this is realistic now.

He has totally forgotten about the kids, only seen the eldest twice since September 2016 and not seen the youngest at all. I have tried and tried to improve the relationship but he's not interested. They are both really struggling with anxiety etc and I just want to get them settled. He thinks I am entitled to nothing and will fight everything.

I suggested to my solicitor I keep the FMH and try and get a mortgage for £35k and he has everything else just paying CM. But she said I wouldn't get 100 % of the equity, so I am better off with a mesher order, and a percentage of his pension and savings. I would need £400k minimum to get another 3 bed house in a cheaper area.

So I guess what I am asking is am I being stupid or naive thinking this is a possibility and going against advice. Has anyone regretted getting a mesher order ? My feelings are that all I will be doing is delaying the issue for 3 years. I know I am going to be badgerered to come to a settlement at court and I just feel sick, not knowing what is best to do.

So any advice would really help.

Well, the overall objective is to make sure that both the divorcing spouses have somewhere to live . When the children are still dependent, then the primary consideration is for the children, which indirectly benefits you inasmuch that if the home has to be kept for the children, it benefits the parent with day to day care.

It is very unusual for a divorcing spouse to come away with no interest at all in the marital home. I'm inclined to agree with your solicitor, you aren't likely to get 100% of the FMH, that's
confiscation. We come across situations like all the time, when the divorcing husband can't buy a house on his own account - even if he could afford it:) He will usually get some share of the equity, and
although I can only talk generally, he's likely to get some sort of lump sum, maybe as a deposit and may be to secure a rental home.

Again talking generally, splits of 68-75% to the wife are sometimes encountered.

Not sure if I can say much more, I'm not a fortune teller.

LMM

Thank you that is helpful to know.

I guess I was hoping if I didn't touch his £750k pension, it might be offset in equity. He obviously would also have the £140k savings.
I don't have any interest in trying to destroy him financially, just trying to do the best thing for the children I guess.
His earnings potential is £70k pa plus his £30k pension, but nothing seems to be said about the fact he is choosing to only earn £5k pa, which he has admitted privately to me is so he pays less child maintenance, and looks weaker financially. Whereas I have managed to get a full time job earning much more than I thought I could not really having much experience after being self employed or part time since I had the kids.
So in some ways I have shot myself in the foot but I am actually really proud of achieving something.

Well next week will be exciting if nothing else I suppose !!

Hi Hatton1

Remember you don't have to settle at the FDR and there is more opportunity to settle after an FDR before a Final Hearing, I know not ideal but may take the pressure off you.

I would suggest you don't settle for a Mesher Order unless you are absolutely certain there is no other advantageous settlement.

You make a very valid point, that he does not appear to be making the most of his earning capacity and seems to have dramatically reduced it from the information you have provided. I cannot of course comment upon the evidence you have to prove this if your case went to final hearing.

What have you agreed as your open offer to court and have any "without prejudice offer's been put forward?

You are 49, he is 54
Long Marriage 19 years
2 Dependent Children 17 years and 15 years
There is £580,000 in assets (equity in home and savings)
Your earning capacity is £23K and his disputed, he says 35K you say £100K, (I would have thought that your solicitor dealt with this in a questionnaire and asked for old payslips of his £40K part time job and reason for leaving, if this was not on the form E)
You have no pension, he has police pension, CEB £750,000 and income stream of £30K

Is your Solicitor advising Mesher, Spousal Maintenance and pension sharing Order? or Mesher and Pension Sharing Order.

What is your maximum borrowing capacity, I know you say that the minimum amount you need is £400K in a cheaper area for a 3 bedroomed house, can I ask you to open your mind a little, just look at the possibility, have a really good look at properties with 3 bedrooms maybe a little further afield and see if that figure can be reduced. Look at your borrowing capacity, and what you need as a deposit then look at what percentage of the £580,000 in assets that would equate to. Is it 65%.

For example, you indicated that you may be able to get a mortgage for £35,0000 so if you bought a property for £400,000 you would need £365,000 for the deposit which would represent about 63% of the total assets (excluding pension) of £580K. This approach would be based upon the fmh being sold and you buying for yourself and children and an argument of need.

I don't know why the savings have not been included in the proposed percentage split, and why only a Mesher is suggested, there may be good reason as I don't know the full circumstances of your case and have not seen all the paperwork.

I would suggest talking to your solicitor about this, it could be a realistic way of avoiding a Mesher and your husband would be receiving money earlier to rehouse himself, 37% would equate to £214,600 which is a considerable deposit to put down with a new partner with a potential but arguable earning capacity of £70K plus, if you know his borrowing capacity easy to do a google search, you could be arguing that he could buy a property well in excess of (borrowing capacity and deposit of £214,600.

If you do decide to go down this route, I anticipate that your Solicitor will prepare a Schedule of Assets, in my experience it has been beneficial to also show the net effect of any proposed settlement as well.

I do hope the above makes sense and is of assistance to you, at least something else to consider rather than a Mesher Order.

Good Luck
Deborah

Deborah66,

Thank you so much for your detailed reply, it really is appreciated. You make many good points and maybe I need to do some more thinking. I just don't want the kids to have to move schools...

My solicitor hasn't suggested anything since the last court hearing in September, keeps saying she will read the file again but seems to have not got around to it yet. My bill is already so high I daren't ask anything else.

So there has been no discussion of offers or similar yet. Which is another reason I feel I am going to court next week basically in the dark.

In his replies to the questionnaire he stated he had to give up his job because he was having an affair with his boss (at least it was a woman).
He also wrote lots of horrible things about my employment history as he lied about it all on his Form E and I stupidly questioned this. Which gave him the opportunity to produce a fictional account of how I trapped him by getting pregnant, he prevented me from being homeless by allowing me to move in with him, and how he had always wanted me to work full time. In fact he actually insisted I didn't but there you go....

Despite having asked my solicitor 3 times if I am supposed to respond to this I have has no reply to this question.

Ridiculously I still find it heartbreaking he is being this manipulative and hurtful...you would have thought I'd have got the message by now wouldn't you...

My instinct is to avoid a mesher order but I guess I am going to have to see how it goes...

Hatton 1

Can I suggest you try to put aside what he has said, for now, conduct is rarely relevant in financial proceedings and concentrate on what you want.

You want a house, near the children's schools, I strongly suggest you start looking and finding some properties, how much are they, can you buy further away, if the ones nearer are too expensive, is it possible for the children to travel, how much are they and then look at the figures.

Your solicitor is meant to be there to support you and properly prepare your case for a FDR Hearing. I am feeling disheartened by your reply, particularly your last sentence, can I strongly suggest you be proactive with finding properties, your borrowing capacity etc.

I really believe you need to give consideration to the options other than a Mesher, sometimes very busy Solicitors can not see the wood for the trees, go to the Solicitor with the new information you gather, other options include, a Barrister's opinion on settlement or a Barrister going to the FDR, change Solicitor, make a complaint about your Solicitor, you deserve to have replies and a Solicitor who is fully prepared for the hearing.

I can't advise but I really believe that you have other options than a Mesher from the information you have provided.

All the best
Deborah

Thanks again Deborah. You have already helped far more than my solicitor as I didn't know what he wrote was irrelevant and I was so worried about how I could respond next week...I haven't been sleeping properly...

Barristers opinion at the first hearing was mesher order with eventual 60/40 - 70/30 split of equity, he pays mortgage instead of SM until youngest leaves for university when house will be sold.
50/50 split on savings.
30/70 pension sharing.
In my mind this actually leaves the stbx worse off. But also I was only earning £5k pa then. So my new job would probably change things a bit.

He patently thought I was being stupid because I said I didn't want to stay in this house or get a mesher order. Solicitor agreed. So maybe they are right and I am an idiot. I am stuck with my solicitor as I had to take out a loan through them to afford the divorce, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

But I will take your excellent advice and be a bit more proactive with my own research, think I have been doing a very good ostrich impression up until now, which clearly isn't going to work anymore.