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nasty dirty little tricks

  • jelly4toes
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14 Mar 08 #16743 by jelly4toes
Topic started by jelly4toes
does it ever stop.not content with concealing a 3 year affair and going on to dump my daughter and i the ex having almost sent me crackers when in the marriage appears to now be on a campaign to destroy me.

he has been gone 18mths post redirected a long time ago.yesterday the postman delivered a letter addressed to him at mine.i opened it to find that it was a letter about his enquiry at an independent boarding school and confirmation of open day so he can go along to view.he is trying to scare me to believe that he is going to take our daughter away from me.it worked i was petrified i don't know what he will do next.i am under the care of a psychiatrist cos of his abuse when he was at home.he knows i see a psychiatrist,i beleive his next step is to convince the court i am an unfit mother.it is so scary i feel so vulnerable.

  • sexysadie
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14 Mar 08 #16756 by sexysadie
Reply from sexysadie
Don't worry. If you have been caring for your daughter satisfactorily up until now then he will be hard put to prove you are an unfit mother. CAFCASS and District Judges are not stupid: they know that just because you see a psychiatrist it doesn't mean that you aren't a good parent. I am sure no court is going to take away a child who is settled with one parent and give care to a parent who will send her to boarding school for half the year.

Best wishes,

  • jelly4toes
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15 Mar 08 #16833 by jelly4toes
Reply from jelly4toes
he has now decided to stop paying maintenance for my daughter i have to use that cash to pay the nortgage i think he is planning to make us homeless he knows i use the money to pay the mortgage.if he makes us homeless he will be able to argue that he can provide a more stable home for daughter and a good education at boarding school.my daughter would be traumatised for life :(

  • Elle
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15 Mar 08 #16846 by Elle
Reply from Elle
Unfortunately there are some divorcing parents that will never stop till they break the x. As you say you are vulnerable and he is working on your fears and having experienced this I can today see that.... in reality....his threats were vindictive but empty.
As Sadie says....the DJs are not stupid, I know its very hard, but ask yourself (and others)....how would a person without these fears react?
Best wishes

  • megan
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15 Mar 08 #16850 by megan
Reply from megan
How does a man who would make his daughter homeless and not pay any maintenance for her count as a good father? when we are vulnerable we often don't think logically. He's winding you up, don't let him.
Take care

  • markp
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15 Mar 08 #16889 by markp
Reply from markp
if he stops paying maintenance then go to the csa and get it payed through them, and speak to your mortgage provider and explain situation, their will be willing to work with you as their do not want to your home if it can be avoided.

  • topaz
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15 Mar 08 #16896 by topaz
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to jelly4toes, well you're not alone,far from it.my x tried to convince me I was mentally incompetent too,except he got too cocky one day and I got the proof I needed of his actions.
The mind games stopped!!
you have to show a strength you dont have.
you have to show you are not afraid even if you are.
you have to appear full of self confidence even when it's rock bottom.
and finally don't show any emotion in his presence.
By denying them the response they want they soon learn that the psychological abuse is no longer having the desired effects and as in my case it stopped.
Even when your heart is hammering and you feel your throat pulsating and you are shaking..you dont show it.you dont cry or shout or anything in his presence, even on the phone..be strong, don't shout,don't cry.
by denying them the response they want you deprive them of the control and power that feeds the abuse.
With time you will be stronger, less frightened,less vulnerable etc and you'll be able to seperate the fact from the fiction in his threats.you will survive this with some support and the determination that he will not get it all his own way.
psychological abusers are bullies in a way,and many are weak people when their abuse no longer works.
Cry in private,or with a trusted friend.
me..I did my crying in the shower.it has been hell but also a very healing process.
you will get through this!

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