Honest

Hi,
I am at a stage where I am going to have to put an offer on the table. Throughout the whole process I have tried to be as honest as possible. My stbx has played the divorce game, in which he has hyped up all his needs. He is a controlling, money obsessed person and has suddenly but in claims in excess of £1000 a month for social outings etc. He has demanded top end values on everything, he has increased the valuations by 9% as he says thats what house prices have increased by in our area.
I cant cope with a constant backward and forwarding of offers, so I am looking at making a take it or go to court offer.
My question is, knowing how he plays the game should I up my estimated costs in the anticipation that he is going to knock everything down or should I go with my heart and ask for what I need and seem unreasonable if I dont negotiate.
TIA.

Hello

Decisions decisions decisions.

Only you can make the call . Only you know you more than anybody.

What do you think ? And more importantly what is in congruence with yourself.

First and foremost you have to consider yourself number one.

What would be your preferred outcome. What do you want to achieve .
You have already indicted you cannot cope with constant backward and forwarding of offers .

Can you find a positive way of looking at it . Its there .

Its not a game , its your future, your life ,your emotional feelings .

Your the important one here . However, i believe its best to aim for a win win situation . Both parties feeling satisfied and no one feeling I turned him/her over or feeling i did not stand up for myself.

Do what is right by you . Maybe you already know.

Whatever you decide will be correct for you and that is all that matters .

Dx

My view for what is worth... Show your financial needs for what they are. Not negotiating for less than what you need to meet those costs does not make you unreasonable. Obviously there is a way to approach negotiations, you start at a point you are willing to move away from and also have in mind an Absolute minimum amount you would be prepared to settle for. It''s also worth factoring the cost of going to court and the impact that would have on the overall assets left for division. If it goes to court, a judge will see who has approached this honestly and who has inflated their costs. £1000 per month on socialising, while you''re sat at home eating tesco basics beans for your tea would''nt be fair.

Well I suppose it goes back to him not changing me as a person. I dont want to be the person that plays the hyping everything up game. That makes me the same as him but I also realize that you only get one shot at getting what you deserve. I have sent him an email with loads of questions as my sols has requested a meeting next week. Would help if I could talk to people without spending the whole time crying my eyes out. OH well lets see what his next demands are.
Thanks D, much appreciated as always.
X

Thanks Bubblegum11. The problem I have is that I have the asset, stbx has the savings. The trouble is I cant live on bricks and mortar, even less tasty than tesco beans . He is going to retire early, therefore not earning so unable to offer any SM.
If I have to sell FH then I may as well do it now rather than waiting to see if I can manage.
I can hype up my needs to cover all costs and there is the finances to cover it, but it would result in a battle, just not sure iv got that much left inside. Not sure if giving up the fight will leave me in a better place emotionally than losing the fight.
I have joined an exercise class, £4 a week, £16 a month and loving it.
Thanks again for every ones input.

My penny''s worth. Stay honest and do not up your costs But take a look at your costs and double check everything. Is there anything you have missed off? It''s surprising how easy it is to miss things because you pay it without thinking.

When I worked all mine out there was £3000 a year missed off because I never considered it an outgoing. Sounds daft but I was so busy on the basics that stuff like car service, house maintenance etc never crossed my mind.

Your stbx can inflate things all he wants but the judge is not daft and I don''t know if you can ask for receipts or proof of his fabricated costs.

Thanks Dizzyduck,
I have 2 horses, one retired and I have had her for 24 yrs, and a foal I bred from her thats is now 11.
If something goes wrong you can easily be talking thousands, I suppose I would need to look into insuring them but its hard to insure a very old horse.
The house has never been finished and will cost a lot to finish. He has been building it for 28 years.
There are so many unknowns. He will have far more money than he will need, even spending £1000 a month on socializing.
I am stuck until I can get the pension in 3 years time.
Thanks for your comments, every bit helps to get things sorted. Hope all is getting there for you.