A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Mon/Fri 9am-6pm       Sat/Sun 2pm-6pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info


What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


Domestic violence- help - first time posting.

  • geldap
  • geldap's Avatar Posted by
  • User is blocked
  • User is blocked
More
10 Jul 07 #1278 by geldap
Topic started by geldap
Will try to keep this as short as poss but can't promise ! Been married 14 years with 1 little girl of 9. Wife has always been fiery and a bit of a control freak although a hard working person and great mother. She has always been very demanding and throughout ou marriage I have pandered to her on many occasions giving up the things I love, losing contact with people etc. I have always worked hard and provided well, but sometimes have been resentfull of the things I have given up for her. She has worked on and off part time since the birth of our daughetr. She has had about 10-12 jobs which always end acrimoniously (without exception). The latest is she is off sick with stress and depression (although despite being prescibed medication will not take it) caused by a bullying line manager. Whislt at home she has taken to spending money on unnecesssary items for the home to the tune of £hundreds/month, which is unsustainable. I have had enough of her behaviour. She constantly nags and critises me and the only time stability is present is if I bow to her every whim. by working harder, when not at work then she expects DIY tasks and gardening / household chors to be done - if I literally sit down for a few minutes she starts. Well I have had enough, bought some new golf clubs, joined a local club much to her dismay - majority bought with money I had saved (I get £200 per month from a net salary of £3200) and pay the fees of £84 / month out of my allowance. She countered this by spending more from the joint household finances. When I questioned her last night she blew up - verbally and phsically attacked me. I took about 30 blows to the head and neck with her fist and am bruised and swollen. For some reason I just stood there and let her - visited the doctor this morning and he prescibed somthing for the pain and asked me to pass a message that he would like to see her (or both of us)Fortunately our daughter did not see this but heard it and has been quite distressed today.

I see she has made an appointment to see a solicitor so my question is this. I agree it is time to part but would I be better by starting procedings myself due to the DV incident? Do these things make a difference at any divorce hearing? I would not want her to not have our daughter as she is a good mother but would like my little girl 50% of the time.

  • Princess Fiona
  • Princess Fiona's Avatar
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
10 Jul 07 #1281 by Princess Fiona
Reply from Princess Fiona
Oh dear. Her behaviour will make little difference to the settlement and I would avoid a knee jerk reaction and think how you are going to respond after you both see the doctor. Obviously the priority here is keeping yourself and D safe. In the meantime it might be worth talking to someone on the Men's Advice Line;-

www.mensadviceline.org.uk

  • geldap
  • geldap's Avatar Posted by
  • User is blocked
  • User is blocked
More
10 Jul 07 #1284 by geldap
Reply from geldap
Thanks Fiona - what I suspected really. Would it be a good idea to apply for a non molestation order and does this take a long time and is it expensive ??

  • Princess Fiona
  • Princess Fiona's Avatar
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
10 Jul 07 #1288 by Princess Fiona
Reply from Princess Fiona
I'm not too sure if a non mol order will help in that one of you might have to leave the house and if your wife can argue she has been the main carer of your D it could be you. This could weaken your position with regard to having your D 50% of the time. I would contact the help line above as they have experience of dealing with these situations.

  • Shelia
  • Shelia's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
10 Jul 07 #1289 by Shelia
Reply from Shelia
Hi

You could also look at www.womensaid.org which despite its name is not just for women. I would also contact the police and speak to the Domestic Violence and Hate Crime Unit. They have support workers who would give advice. The police would rather prevent violence than have to deal with it.

I would urge you to get yourself and your daughter to a safe non-threatening place whatever that takes. I have concerns for your daughter being with such a control freak mother. She may not be violent, but you are aware of the bullying that can go on behind closed doors. What would happen if you are not there?

Have you spoken to your daughter? You say she is distressed. Is she afraid of her mother?

If you wish to chat there are many good people who regularly visit the chat room who are supportive. The evening between 7 and 11 are a popular time for chatting.

Good luck and best wishes

Shelia

  • Princess Fiona
  • Princess Fiona's Avatar
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
10 Jul 07 #1291 by Princess Fiona
Reply from Princess Fiona
:blush:Sorry, I should have mentioned Men's Advice Line works in conjunction with the National 24 Domestic Violence Helpline, operated in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge.

The Men's Advice Line specifically supports men and always advise reporting DV to the police. Also their website has useful downloadable leaflets eg "Talking to Children About DV" "Ancillary Relief" "Children & Contact"

From what has previously been mentioned your wife may well have a mental illness which could be controlled with drugs relatively easily.

  • DandyHighwayMan
  • DandyHighwayMan's Avatar
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
10 Jul 07 #1292 by DandyHighwayMan
Reply from DandyHighwayMan
Hello geldap,

You really do need to report this incident to the police.

I am sure that if your wife was the one to receive at least 30 blows to the head from you, you would be sat in a police cell awaiting charge by now, rather than being left alone as the sole carer for your 9 year old daughter.

Assault is assault regardless of male/female.

In terms of settlement I dont think this type of thing would have any bearing the division of the assets.

Get as much help and free advice as you can and prepare yourself for a "bumpy" ride as I have a feeling you're in for one.:ohmy:

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11