Final Hearing in 4 weeks - want to give up.

Hello all,

I am feeling sick as the FH is fast approaching. Thought we nearly sorted things at the FDR (we were only £30k apart) but stbx suddenly dropped his offer by £165k so seems there is no choice but to see this horrible process through to have any chance of rehousing myself and the kids.

My problem is I am a total ball of anxiety and have now managed to become really unwell with pneumonia. I am so tired and scared I want to give up. My kids are suffering, my daughter is having counselling for depression as her dad hasn't seen her in over 20 months, son is attempting to bugger up his A levels.

I don't miss him at all anymore and we've all done ok moving on with our lives, but this final hurdle might be one step more than I can manage. I know in lots of ways this is pathetic but he's already given me some idea of the muck he's going to throw at me in court. Still can't believe I loved this now vile man for so long. I don't think I have the strength anymore so how badly am I going to regret giving up now ?

Try making an offer/ another offer?
He will be stressing too.
Instead of you being tipped over the edge tip him?
Be strong for another 4 weeks.
I ended up accepting way less than half as the offer did enable me to buy a house, and basically put an end to it.
There was no way I was ever going to “Win” but I don’t care! He has been spending the cash at a rate of knots.
I am so happy to just be finally shot of it.
I feel so much more human again now!
Message me if you want to moan at someone....I’m full of positive vibes currently
Good luck and get well soon xx

Hi Under60,

So pleased you have things sorted even though it's not ideal. Don't think there are are ever any 'winners' in this process sadly.

My solicitor is suggesting I make an open offer asking for way more than I expect because 'a judge will come down somewhere in the middle'. So the game goes on. Doesn't seem to be any real intention on settling out of court. Such a stupid waste of money.

Sorry just feeling so low and tired need to stop the self pity.

An open offer based on what the judge at FDR thought may be fair is a good idea. What direction did you get?

What are you worried the he may bring up at final hearing? The judge is really only going to be interested in what is on the assets pot and how it can be divided to meet your respective needs taking s25 into account. If your ex starts bringing up a lot of stuff that is just unpleasant that isn't going to help his case.

Try to focus on getting better so you are in a fit state to deal with the final hearing if it goes ahead. And use the site for support. It is what we are here for


Hadenoughnow

Thank you hadenoughnow,

I know the support on here is amazing. It saved my sanity early on.

I am just so fed up of whining. I feel I should be stronger but I don't seem to have much left in the tank.

The judge at the FDR said what I was asking for was reasonable and suggested stbx had a really good think.

He's got a £700k police pension in payment which I left totally alone. I would have ended up with £400k (needed round here for a small 3 bedroom house) and him with the pension and £160k. Nominal spousal maintenance of £1.

He's given up a part time job earning £40k on top of his £30k pension income to earn £5k a year. I've got myself a full time job earning £23k.

Judge gave him a rocket up the backside for this.

His open offer after the FDR was for £245k and a 25% pension share
Or £325k offsetting the pension. He thinks I need to move to a different town to get a cheaper property.

The things he wrote in his narrative statement were fairly vile. Apparently he stopped me from being homeless when he asked me to move in with him 19 years ago when I was pregnant. He's always wanted me to work, which is the opposite of the truth, he almost made me stay at home ! I've alienated the kids etc. So much more mudslinging I won't bore any one with. Hell I would if left me if half of it were true !! He's very a arrogant self assured individual. Because of his job he's used to being in court, whereas these days I cry at the drop of a hat and I feel I've got to defend my very being.

I would go with your solicitor...aim high and expect less.
It sounds like you are in it for the long haul, but you can still propose an offer based on judge view at FDR.
Just get your health better, it’s terrible the toll it takes on people.
Stay strong xx

Seems I have taken out a season ticket to the doctors in the last 2 years. Having avoided going for the previous 15 years !! Some might point out this is why....

I know stress and anxiety have played a big part in my various health disasters. Funny to think 2 years ago I was so laid back I annoyed people.
Sleep would help. Wonder if I'll ever get back to sleeping properly ? I'm so so tired of everything which is why I'm no longer sure this is worth it.

But thank you for the support. Tomorrow is another day....