Final Hearing in 4 weeks - want to give up.

Hi Hatton, so you could trade the pension share for the whole of the house and not move and pay the divorce loan out of the cash? That would be a result:)

Hi Clawed,
Thank you for the support. I agree that reading someone's positive story helps. In fact yours was one of those that really struck a chord with me. I think I joined about the time you were getting married again and (not that I am ever planning to !) it made me think people do move on from the heartbreak. Which I think I have done now. Life is pretty ok .

Hi under60,
Thank you too for the message. Yes that's the hope, but I am not holding my breath. I have offered to settle at far less previously and he's refused. Funnily enough, even though I can't believe this still isn't over after the final hearing, it's not stressing me out. I guess I accepted the ruling and dealt with it as worst case scenario. Anything else is a bonus now.

My solicitor says she has never had someone trying to negotiate after the final hearing before in 30 years practice. But it's legal. Negotiations are ongoing apparently and I am awaiting her call.....

Have just thrown up.....I've not really been allowed to make a decision in 19 years and just made the biggest one of my life.

It's done.

Unsurprisingly he was awkward until the last possible moment - he finally agreed at 4.55pm with a 5.00pm deadline. He wouldn't budge on £15k difference so I will need to get a mortgage for that small amount.

He had to feel he'd 'won'. Actually who cares? We get to stay in our home and the kids get stability at last.

Is this really over now ?? Still a bit scared to believe it.

Am suddenly stupidly emotional, but I just want to say an enormous thank you to everyone for your advice and support along this hideous process. I would never in a million years have thought I was strong enough to carry on battling to the end.

Thank you xxx

That was quick, I nearly missed the update, I hope you are feeling better this morning although I'd expect the shakes to come and go for a while. That sounds like a great result for you as you get to stay in the house, I'm so pleased for you and the kids you have been very strong and deserve a peaceful life.
I'm glad my getting married cheered you up in the early days, it just gets better and better, certainly not for everyone but nearly everyone finds something that makes life post divorce better than they ever imagined, I don't know what it will be for you but there will be something. The power of Wiki- I now have a big grin on my face because someone I've never met is happy!

Thank you Clawed, that's lovely to think you have a big grin on your face. At the time I thought it was very brave, now I think it's just very brilliant.

Been a difficult week, back at work but constantly hassled by solicitors phone calls and emails. Because he's demanding things written into the order like, I send the V5 for the car in 3 days (why ? It's being transferred to me ) and I don't know where it is and can't look until my next day off on Monday. 9 emails and 2 calls all costing me more money because he's got to still dictate terms. So order still hasn't been submitted. Maybe it's not the end yet....

5 solicitor emails today telling me he's coming to the house when I am at work next week to pick up his remaining possessions. Sending a list of things he wants, most of which he's already bloody taken. Nope not happening. He can have anything he wants but this hasn't been his home now for 20 months and he doesn't get to just come in here now without me being here. I'm even contemplating paying someone to clear the loft so he doesn't have to come in the house.

I just want a couple of weeks to recover before I can deal with him again. Have I finally found a backbone ??? So exhausted of this....

Hi Hatton

I'm new to this thread and have just read through it all in one go.

Just wanted to say a big well done to you. It sounds like you've had so much to deal with, and at times, you seriously doubted that you could...

But hey - you did cope, and the mere fact that he tried to re-negotiate after the final hearing says very much to me that he lost and you won.



My ex is very much like yours and he's just triggered the court process. There's a long way for me to go yet, but stories like yours cheer me on.

Stay strong and sort out the loose ends, and then you can spread your wings and start your new independent life.

You're an inspiration!

Hi Visselly,

What a really kind post to write. Thank you so much. I have felt anything but strong throughout this process to be honest but yes, I made it to the end. A very wise lady likened it to childbirth!! You don't want to do it but there is little choice but to carry on because it's going to happen whether you like it or not....

I see your having issues with where your case is heard. Mine was 3 hours drive away thanks to the ex too. I hope you manage to get it changed. I wish I could give you some really good advice but there is doubt it's an horrendous experience. However I can say I kept true to myself and held my head high and refused to be bullied anymore. Be realistic and don't give up, no matter how much you want to at times.

The lovely people on here were such a support so keep positive and post as much as you need. There is always help (or even the occasional kick up the backside) when needed.

I took the kids out for a lovely pub meal last night to celebrate the end of the eldest' A levels. We sat in the pub garden in the evening sun and laughed till we cried. I never thought I would be enough, to make things ok for them, to feel comfortable and complete in our smaller family unit. But do you know what, maybe I am and life felt very good again.

QUICK UPDATE :

The revised order was finally submitted on Monday after a crazy amount of arguments between the legal teams about mostly irrelevant wording.

Well the judge has decided he doesn't like the fact we have challenged his ruling. So currently the barristers are jumping through hoops trying to prove precedent and arguing this is what we both want.

Ridiculously this is costing more and more money and there's nothing I can do about it. If the idiot ex had agreed to this proposal we are now agreed about on the morning before court then we would have saved about £12k.

Still staying quite calm amazingly. Still feeling relieved that its mostly all over. Still got the champagne on ice until it's finally settled.