TV case study - access to kids over Xmas?

Suzy,

Many do use the kids consciously and with malice....this is screaming out from many posts here.

I policed myself very carefully,however I have been on the receiving end of a control freak with a corrupt sol that other sols would not stand up to and I have no family.

There were fists used in my situation....but they were not my fists.

I did not lose control ...as I had never had any...what I did lose was a relationship with my children, my home, temp use of my legs, my career, my health, resources to pay for food and heating in order to fund incompetent sols, so called friends, the will to live and the fear to speak out.

What I gained was experience and knowledge that there is no support or empathy for people in my situation that amounts to making a difference....after all in nearly nine years of searching all I come across is disbelief or closed doors.

Regards what the sols want to find out what would help, the sols dont want to hear it....because they cause the damage, they drag matters out, they get fat off of playing cruel games with peoples lifes at a time when people are at their most vulnerable.

Possible solution.....set a time scale that the sols must adhere to or be fined....as in Sweden....make sols responsible for resolving matters as fast and amicable as possible....set limits for the work load they are allowed....have them familiarise themselves with the case before they enter court.....have them take the sol code of conduct more seriously.......humanise them.....that would sort out the bad apples...but from the posts here....it would more likely leave a huge shortage of sols....but then a barrell of 90% rotten apples is no use to anyone other than a cider brewer.

The Law provides for protection....pity the majority of the practitioners use it to line their pockets and not in the best interests of their clients.

Elle

I know it must sound futile to you, and maybe it is, but I think those of us who are lucky not to be in a bad situation have an obligation to try and help support those who are in those situations. The small way I have of trying to achieve that is to hang on tight to the good and positive legal people I am encountering, who have a real passion for improving the law, and to bring these issues to the public attention.

Are you happy for me to add your suggestions above to my resource site and to ask some of my legal professionals to comment? If so, would you like to stay anoymous?

Thank you for highlighting this issue - you are doing a service to others by speaking out.

Best wishes

Suzy

Suzy,

I am okay for you to pass on my comments and much appreciate that every little that we can all do helps the rapidly growing awareness that the legal profession is failing many vulnerable people.

Thanks for consdiration of it, but I have no need for anonymity, I have copies of Judgements and Reports to back up my claims. The fact that these were removed from the law society website within weeks of being published just furthers my belief that its an old boys club running and regulating our legal system.

The media further highlights the dispicable exploits of a profession that ill advises and sits in judgement of peoples life.

The growth in quangos and other groups takin sols n judges to task also shows that many people are tired of the way in which the legal profession operates.

The changes are too late for many of us...but any advancement is to be applauded.

I have been fortunate enough to meet a few sols that are abhorred and embarrassed by my "story" and are giving me pro bono guidance and direction so its not all doom and gloom.

Elle

Elle. Kids dont usualy go against the mother. No matter what they do. My ex turned my step kids against me. But she worked on them for months and months. So I lost them. When I came to say good by they wouldnt even look at me.

But I have met many men that have lost there kids to a new man. But not many women that have lost them. All I can say is that the lies dont stay lies forever. At some point the truth surfaces. At some time in the distant future you will get them back and then you can put the record straight. Thats the theory anyway. Lets hope for your sake its true. Best ones, C.

People I know from divorce parents all seem to have made up their own minds about whether they wanted contact with their parents once they were old enough to decide for themselves, based upon the intention of the parents. I guess its finding ways for them to feel that they have not been forgotten just because you are not always physically there, and not give up but have faith in the children.

Why only Xmas? Surely this is regarded as a Christian Holiday? I am sure there are other religions who regard access to their kids just as importantly during their own religious festivals. Heartache is no less in the Jewish, Islamic, Hindu or whatever faith. Maybe it is because of the lack of commitment to marriage and family that is contributing to our ills here.....It is hypocritical of one to bemoan family break up at a religious festival, when one does not practice that religion? I for one, have struggled to reconcile the fact that my husband refused to go to church with me. We were married in one.....but kids not baptised. Due to our differences, which became more apparent after we married.

I do not regard Christmas as being different to other holidays. Only a time for some of us to get pissed and be the lucky absent parent out at boozy parties or hitting the shops....In fact, because I had my 2 kids in Oct for 1 week, he got them from 1 week from midmorning Xmas day, I get them for 1 week next month, then he gets them for next holiday. Seems fair here? The secret is for both parties to maintain a constructive dialogue and be civil with regard to children's affairs.

A giant leap forward will have taken place when the legal profession and policy makers penalise the 'wilfully absent/ selfish parent'. My heart goes out to those dads who are desperate to see their kids at any time, never mind just at Xmas. I know a guy whose ex went back to her parents with their 3 year old boy, to Czechoslovakia, where is the legal assistance here to help him see his boy? Human Rights - Pah! I for one, would NEVER, ever deny my children contact with their dad, even though he is now living with his lover, and with whom they get on with. I 'fight' with him over our own marriage failings and property. It has never been the fault of my kids....so why should they suffer in any way at all. Thank God he agrees, too. The Legal Profession should look at acrimonious cases very, very dimly - with penalties awarded to the offending parent(s). Where are the rights of the Child in all this? They are all year round, not just at Xmas, or any other religious festival for that matter. The moment Christmas becomes less commercialised and more spiritual will be when life will be kinder for us all. Especially in the run up to the end of December in the Western World.

Time for us all to grow up and behave like sensible adults; instead of squabbling like kids over the red coloured ball in the Xmas stocking.

FrankieDG

I couldn't agree more.

Even when times got tough, I always strove wherever possible to allow access and never let the kids be used as `weapons' - but I do appreciate that many people can fall into that trap, which perhaps they wouldn't do if they felt the `system' was fairer and they felt more supported. We also need as a society to be more outspoken about encouraging friends and relatives not to deny access to their children from fathers or mothers (it's works both ways) - perhaps by offering to be a `neutral space' for visits? At any time of year or festival.