I know it is hard but in my opinion i think that you should answer any questions that the children ask you in simple terms without elaborating or letting the bitterness creep in (you are bigger than that). I don't agree with the lies but I don't think you need to feed them answers until they ask the questions! I asked my husband to leave because of his behaviour (drinking, swearing etc)& I explained to the children that mummy couldn't live with the swearing etc. & the way that he talked! to me all the time. I explained that mummy & daddy still both loved them the same and that I could not live with him any more. My eldest 2 are not stupid they knew that he drank too much etc. but I don't comment - they will make their own minds up in time. The younger 3 will hopefully not know that sort of daddy because he says he is no longer stressed as he is not living with us. I just think he was never really destined to live in a family household - too selfish (was 35 when we got married and had always been on his own). I don't need to lie but I don't need to tell them anything they don't ask either.
Sorry I have waffled on but hopefully this will make some sense. Be the bigger person. It has got to feel right for you and I really wish you luck in making the decision you feel is right for your children not for your self.
Hi Sheila. Its all very well helping people but you get used. There are plenty of people that pray on the helpful. I am trying not to be like that so much now. I try and be a little selfish now. I have been used and spat out by my ex and it teaches you lessons. She preyed on my good heart. I wont be hurt like that anymore so its a bit no more nice guy from now on. But if I came across someone on the street or a mate needs helping I will get stuck in. But I am wary now and I think of myself a bit. School of hard knocks. Chris.
Hi ifIKneThen. I think this a good attitude. Pity its not more widely used. Children become amunition in divorce and it shouldnt be so. I tried my best to keep the spepkids out of it but my ex had the bigger pull and I just lost out. I dont feel a failure as I know in my heart that I did the right thing.
What I stuggle with now is why. I think know why but I dont understand.
I stuggle with my feelings to them. One side I have they betrayed me and they were old enough to know better what they were doing. Kids can be very sadistic. There mother is like that.
On the other side I have the knowlege that they were poisened against me and were told god knows what. I know for sure that they were told I had affairs for the whole marriage. Kids of there age (14 - 17) are impresionable. They are definatly ruled by there mum. But they must know this is false. I was home by 5:15 each day. I didnt go out and I was in all weekend. How was I supposed to conduct affairs? But I suppose they skip over that bit.
I was different as a kid. If my mum had brought some hairy arsed twat into our home and tried to make him dad I would have rebeled. But then I am a rebel and the thing I have trouble getting beyond is we are not the same.
But I am enjoying life without kids. And if I was also honest is smashing not having fighting teenagers around and all the sh1t that went with it. Life is pieceful now and I am loving it.
I just dont want anymore hurt. I want a pain free life now and if I was also honest I would not like to see them again and in a way I am glad they are out of my life. I do feel guilty for feeling this way.
I must stop now becuase I am banging on again. Soz. Chris.