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Thanks for the replies,
Trouble is the truth hurts.
At the height of our breakup, my kids almost lost me for good. When I look back I was being told "it's all your fault" - when in reality my wife was engineering the whole situation, piling the pressure on me hoping to get rid of me one way or another.
If I had have gone, she could easily have said "it's your fault, you left us behind" and moved her new friend in.
I hate liars, if there is on word in the English language that is guaranteed to inflame a situation - it's the word "liar" - particularly when it's true.
I will not let my children be lied to just because it might be seen as "good parenting".
Our 14 year old lad lives with me because she said "he would be better off with you" - liar, what she really meant was, if he comes with me he will find out very quickly about the boyfriend and bring this to a head quicker than she wanted to.
Thr truth may hurt, but once they come round they will be better people.